I was just catching up on reading blogs this afternoon and saw a reference on my SIL’s to this article regarding Mormon Mommy Bloggers. It is an article written by a woman who describes her self as an “atheist lefty feminist” who has a secret obsession with reading blogs of LDS mothers. She loves to read about their “perfect, shiny” lives and is astounded that we describe things like child-rearing as wonderful and rewarding when she doesn’t hear those things described that way elsewhere. She is fascinated that we have happy homes with husbands who love us and we love them. She says that she was married to an “ex-mormon” and knows what that life is and it isn’t for her. She said she will not be inviting any missionaries in, but still can’t stop reading the blogs.
I just feel so grateful that I know what I know! Obviously, this woman desires to have a family and feel the happiness and fulfillment that it brings. She doesn’t even understand what she is missing in regards to the gospel of Jesus Christ and the peace and joy that would bring as well! The funny (and sad) thing is that she’s in denial.
It’s true, I choose to be a stay at home mom. This is a sacrifice. If I took one of the unsolicited job offers I’ve received over the past few years our income would double. That would be nice! But a sacrifice is giving up something you want (I really do enjoy working) for something BETTER. I know I have chosen the better part and will never regret it. Yes, it’s tempting when a prior employer calls me up and asks if I am SURE I don’t want to come back and work for him, at whatever salary I require. Honestly, it is really flattering. But the thought of leaving my kids to be raised by someone else is just too heart wrenching. There will be a time for me to work, when my kids are older. But now is the time for me to spend these precious hours with my kids and teach them truths and enjoy their company. It goes by so fast. How sad these women must be when they’ve grown old, have all of their degrees and big corporate titles but no children or grandchildren to share their life with.
We are blessed to know a sort of “formula” for happiness. It can be found in the scriptures, conference talks, and through prayer. It’s so sad to see others confused as to why they aren’t happy, even when it is starring them in the face!
Now, I don’t write this to offend. So please don’t be! I know there are many mothers who have to work to help support their families and it is certainly a decision to be made by you and your spouse as to what is best for you and your family. I am just saying that this decision was right for me. No, everyday isn’t perfect, of course not. (read this post if you want an example) But the overall theme in my life is happiness and I believe that is because what I am doing is right.
I could go on and on (being concise has never been one of my talents) about how being a mom can be such a thank-less job in that no one knows (or cares) how many times you picked up those toys today (because they are all on the floor again at the end of the day) how many spills you cleaned up, how many noses you wiped, how many life-lessons you tried to teach your children, etc. Nearly everything I do as a mother is undone, constantly. (which is why I enjoy crafting, it stays done!) No one pays us to do this. Except the Lord. When I worked before I had Sophie, I enjoyed: a regular pay check, bonuses for my hard work, recognition for my ideas and solutions to problems, promotions, parties, free lunches, etc. But the best things in life aren’t easy. I love my “job.”
Sorry for all the standing on a soap box! I just had to get this off my chest. I love you all and if you get a chance to read the article I’d be interested to hear what you think.
10 comments:
That was a very interesting read. Thanks for sharing it! I am always so interested to know more from people like that. I seriously think it would be fun to interview them, just to find out more about what they think about "us" -Mormon Mommies. It's just fascinating to me that someone can be so interested in why we are the way we are, but not care enough to find out ALL of the facts & then decide they don't want anything to do with it; just deciding that they can be okay with their hour of reading other people's happy lives instead of making their own that way.
I don't even know if that makes sense, reading it now, but that is what I thought of it :) I, for one, am very grateful to be home with my babies, grateful for a husband whom I not only love, but he really is my best friend, and that I do get to know of my Savior & to have JOY.
Again, thanks for sharing Jess :)
I read that article the other day. It's been on my mind the last few days. Obviously, that woman is drawn to women of our faith and their stories because deep down she recognizes how wonderful the gospel is, even though she won't admit it.
I think you definitely have made the right choice in raising your beautiful girls! It's the best job in the world and you can't put a price on it.
I think it's a compliment that someone who has always thought of themselves as the type of person that would never consider becoming a member of our church, finds herself totally addicted to reading mormon mommy blogs. The seed has been planted and is growing and she doesn't even realize it. She said she doesn't want the missionaries coming over, I bet that will change one day.
Funny thing is that she IS inviting the mormon missionaries in through the blogs she reads! We are all missionaries and the best message is a good example! You will be so rewarded for the time you spend with your girls! Some day you'll have their grandkids to play with!!
This article just made me chuckle. She is so obviously interested in the church! Can we say denial!? But I know as people from the outside looking in we live an interesting life, very differen't from other woman our age. But it does make me sad for them that when all is said and done all they will have is their PHD's. Now I'm going to play with my "perfect family" and enjoy my "shiney" life. If only I could get my bathroom to shine like my life. :)
I couldn't agree more, Jess. I talk with Mary about this all the time. I worry every time I post something "happy" or "mormon blogger mommy'ish" on my blog. Worried what people might think - is she for real, her life is so easy, nothing bad every happens to her, etc. Then I tell myself, this is MY blog, for MY family and, YES, for the most part I am THAT happy. We do have struggles, but when you approach life with our (LDS) Eternal perspective, those challenges make sense and are bearable; thus, making us a sincerely happy people. Read C.Jane's (she's on my blog roll) post today. She nailed it on the head, and says it a lot more eloquently than I can.
I know most people think I'm a simpleton for choosing the lifestyle I live, but it's the simple formula you described that makes me happy. And most intelligent people choose what makes them happy. I don't really believe many of us are victims of circumstance either-this woman will have as much joy in this life (and the next) as she chooses. For myself, I could never be content on the outside looking in. Great food for thought. Thanks for posting, Jess.
Jessica, you truly are one of the most blessed women I know. I love your post and that woman of that article needs to OPEN HER EYES!
You know, I read this article a week or so ago, and I truly believe that she uses her "obsession" as escapism, and when she says she would not be happy living our lifestyle she is probably right, because it would require her to change almost everything about herself. Would she be happy if she did? I think so, but it would NOT be easy for her to change her whole world view, and lifestyle.
I for one have to say that MOST mormon women who choose to get an education and/or work do it...on their own timetable, and still have a more fulfilled life because they chose to have families and live the "restrictions" of the gospel. I for one have also made the decision to stay at home no matter what (fortunately I have a husband that supports me in that decision) and though we have made several sacrifices to do so, I truly could not be happier and feel as blessed as I do now because of those decisions. Really what a BLESSING to have living prophets and to follow their counsel, not to mention having a personal relationship with our Father in Heaven. It is no wonder our lives radiate of happiness, we recognize the angels that are watching overs us everyday, and who wouldn't feel loved and happy if they knew so many people cared about their successes in rearing a family. There are truly more for us than against us and I think even if we don't recognize it daily it is hard not to be overwhelmed with gratitude at the times when we do.
Thank you for your post. I didn't read this woman's article, but I totally agree with you on everything. I LOVE being a mom, although it can be a challenge at times. As much as I don't like calling being a mom a JOB, it truly is. My husband tells me this all the time. It is a 24/7/365 job. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thanks for all your insights. I am so happy for your new little one on the way. Congrats! Scary about the coyote! I told Norm and he was almost drooling wishing he was there to shoot it for you! LOL!
Great post, and interesting article! I am not sure if she really is interested in the gospel specifically or if she was just thirsty for some optimism (which I guess is a lot of what the gospel is about) in a world of negativity. Also, I think that it is awesome that you have chosen to stay at home, and I think it is great that you are proud of it. I really like to work too, and I hope that when/if I have children I will be able to make a similar descision. You are right, every person's situation is different. It is like what Pres. Monson spoke on in the last women's conference... that we women are too hard on each other!
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