Ok, so I know I've posted about this previously but I'm still not convinced I am doing the right thing about Sophie's congenital nevus (aka- mole). I have prayed about it a lot and have come away feeling that it's up to me... the worst answer, won't someone just tell me what to do! Because I've gained some new readers since my first post about it, I wanted to revisit the issue. If you don't know what I'm talking about please follow this link to my previous post http://chapmanfamilyadventures.blogspot.com/2007/10/my-dilema-sophies-nevus-mole.html. My friend Kim came over tonight to hang out while our husbands went to general stake priesthood meeting. And we started to talk about Sophie's mole and it made me think... I've decided the fact that I still want to talk about it with any willing soul until I'm blue in the face is a sign that I don't know that I'm doing the right thing and I want reassurance. Another thing that I have noticed is that many people may not want to tell me what they really think for fear of offending me. (Who wants to say, "your daughter's hand is repulsive get that think removed ASAP!!) I have a great desire to know everyone and anyone's opinion on the matter so I am going to put a poll up about it, that way it's anonymous and it's more conducive to everyone's honest opinion. I noticed that A LOT more people voted on my poll about bows than commented. You may ask why I care what you think, it's my daughter after all. The truth is I don't really care what you think, it's that I want to figure out what Sophie would want me to do so the more people I talk to the better chance I will know what she would want. Being her mom I am sort of bias and feel I can't look at the situation objectively. Do I make any sense at all? I hope so. I want Sophie to be happy, and with her 1st birthday fast approaching I feel a sense of urgency to make a decision (which I thought I have made several times before). So please voice your opinion in comments and on the poll letting me know what you would want if you were Sophie. Keep in mind we are not choosing between mole or no mole; we are choosing between mole or scar (possibly a pretty gnarly one). Any of your input is much appreciated. Thanks guys!!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
my soap box... again
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11 comments:
I think if it were my mole, I would have wanted it removed as a baby. I know it could leave a scar, but baby skin is so resilient and heals well. This would probably be the best time to remove it scar-wise. It's also probably the smallest it will be in her life too, right? And she won't remember the surgery. But I also see your point about wanting it to be her choice. But you are a great mom and always do what's best for Sophie and if you feel good about something I'm sure she would feel the same way. So, I know you have a poll, but I'll put my 'yes' vote right here.
Hi, Jess. What a tough decision to make. It would be hard for me too. Like stacy said, if she fgets it done now, she won't remember. Besides kids think scars are "cool" and growing up no one will really think anything of it because kids get scars right? I liked showing my scars as a kid, it was kind of like a "show and tell" game. I really don't think spohie would be upset later in life that you had it removed, becuase you did it early, it probably won't make any difference. Your her mom and she loves you and will always love you no matter what I think. Sophie's such a great, happy child, she may even thank you ;) Well, there's my input. Surgery decisions are so hard to make, when it is not "life threatening" and when it comes to your kids. Good Luck!
P.S. I personally would thank my parents if it were me.
Hey Jess, I really agree with the first 2 comments. I think she would thank you in the long run. Also I think kids would make fun of a mole before they asked how she got that "cool" scar. I can't imagine having to make that decision, but I think if she has pictures to know why she has that scar, she will be thankful she didn't have to deal with remembering the pain of getting it removed. Hope that helps. Sophie will love you no matter what you decide!
Ok, so from a totally different (and maybe a little twisted) perspective, I would definitely have it removed. I grew up a little different than most people did, and as a result of my up bringing I was made fun of and tormented by children relentlessly. I know that all kids get made fun of by someone at some point in their lives, but I don't ever remember feeling comfortable with myself in the least or thinking that ANYONE liked me. Sophie is such a beautiful and smart girl, that I am sure that wont happen to her. I am just the type that is overly concerned about my kids getting made fun of. I know that they will, inevitably be teased at some point in their lives, but if I were Sophie, I am thinking, "Mom, could ya help me out a little." I think that it is such a noticeable place being on her hand that it would be an immediate target for mean little children to make mean little comments. I know that as a parent it breaks my heart to see my children get their feeling hurt! Ultimately I think that Sophie would really appreciate having it removed at such a young age, as earlier comments, she wont remember the surgery, and she wont be teased about it by other children. I think that making friends as child is hard enough as it is. Ya know? Maybe I am looking at it wrong, but I REALLY do think she will appreciate it. :)
That's tough...really. My husband had a big mole and his back and got it removed, and the scar is pretty much worse than the mole ever was. But...he did make up a cool story about how he got shot. :) haha So...I do kind of think that a scar would be better than a mole. So yes, that is my opinion. You should have it removed. But that is a tough decision. Good luck.
Jess, now you know I'm like you I don't really hold back too. I think the fact that you keep thinking about it means a lot too. I've always said you should do it when they are young because they won't remember the "trauma" it comes with. Also the teasing factor is huge. I would be more mad at my parents for not removing something like that than a scar. I have a pretty big scar on my wrist from a cyst. People ask me about it and all you do is tell them a quick story why and thats it. People will always find things to tease he about (look at her poor father, need I say more:). Also since your on medicaid and they will cover the sugery is huge too. But go with your heart, we'll support you 100%!
Jess, I still think that you might as well let her decide herself, when she's older. Actually kids are always going to tease at certain ages; you're either too fat or too skinny, too tall or too short, too smart or too dumb. I think that a mole would be an easy target of teasing and one easily prepared for, without hurting your self esteem. Then if the teasing become a problem, she'll decide to have it removed. I'm kind of biased though cause I think that Sophie is the most adorable little girl in the world and her mole is part of what makes her adorable.
I think I have to agree with most of the people that have commented and say that if it were me I'd probably want it removed. But that is such a hard decision. I think either way, you are going to have thoughts of "what might have happened had I done it differently". But I think a scar might be something that would be easier for her to deal with. And for other people to accept. Some people can be really cruel. But she'll be ready for them. We'll support you no matter what you decide.
That is a hard decision to make because I know you are trying to decide what would be best for your little one! I really think If I was older and I wouldn't want a mole on my had that size. As she grows it might stretch bigger and bigger! I think that a scar would be less noticeable because they match your skins coloring most of the time. At the beginning it will be noticeable, but over time it will fade! They are so good at removing things now! My mother in law had a bad bike accident and scraped her whole side of her face off. they reconstructed her face and she had a ton of stitches. She had a major scar and told her that with scar tissue to massage it to break it up and thin the scar tissue out so it wouldn't be as noticeable. Now you can barely tell she had a huge scar down her face. I think that if you made sure to find a doctor that has been doing things like this for a while, and that specializes in (plastic surgery) type feel then I think you would be OK.
That is just my opinion, but I think than you and your hubby need to go with your gut instinct. You both need to decide if you were older would you want it, and then go from there! Good luck. Either way I know she will be happy and be fine!
Jess,
Interesting topic. We're kind of dealing with something similar on Charlotte--not a mole, but a nasal dermoid cyst, which in English simply means a cyst on her nose. She was born with it and I find it rather Dr. Suess-ish because the only evidence that it's there is a cluster of hairs that stick out of it and a slightly larger-looking pore. Min's been tweezing the hairs (apparently he's not the Dr. Seuss fan that I am) until the doctor told us that doing so might allow an entrance for infection because it's not a normal pore--there's an open cavity underneath it. Anyway, we've been to see specialists (pediatric surgeon, ear nose and throat guy, and cosmetic surgeon) and the general consensus is to have it removed to eliminate that risk of infection AND to spare her future embarrassment. Thankfully, that was an easy decision. Dealing with the risk of melanoma is much more serious. The point I want to make is one that doctors (at least those that we've consulted with) seem to disagree on--what is the right time for a kid to have a surgery like this. Our pediatrician thought earlier would be better for the same reasons you mentioned--less scarring and less fear of the doctor. The doctor who will actually perform the surgery recommends waiting until she's at least two because apparantly it's a safer age for general anestethia (I'm sure I mispelled that). Is that an issue for Sophie or could they do the surgery with just local anestethia? If I were Sophie, sure, I'd want the mole removed, but I don't think there's any rush. I voted no on your pole. While she's so young--and probably for the next few years--she won't even notice it and NO, your daughter's hand is not repulsive. Who could look at that girl and think she's anything less than perfect!? The teasing won't start until she's school-age, right? At least that's the timeframe I have in mind for Charlotte's nose hair. Ah, blemishes! Makes me wonder what we'll find growing out of #2's nose...
Good luck on the decision.
Love,
Mary
I have been thinking a lot about this. Her mole is not replusive or ugly. It will be if that's the way you treat it though. I say treat it like Nemo's lucky fin, and she probably won't mind it. I say remove it while she's young if there are health issues, but not for cosmestics. I agree with your mom, let her decide when she's old enough.
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