This is a kind of embarrassing subject in some ways but I am so mad right now that I DON'T CARE! I just want to vent. Before I get into what's making me mad, I need to explain a few things:
The reason all of this is running through my mind is because I find myself today with an empty fridge, freezer, and pantry. Here's how it happened: on Dan's birthday we indulged and bought a more expensive meal to celebrate knowing that we would just have to live off of tuna fish and ramen noodles until Aug 1st when we got our food stamps again. It was harder than we thought it would be but I was creative and we made it! Thursday night I put together my grocery list so I was ready to go shopping first thing the next day with our new funds. I must admit that I haven't ever been so excited to have a real meal again! Friday morning Dan had a phone interview with our case worker at the county as the final step in our redetermination process (they check our income and assets every few months to make sure we still qualify for assistance). At the end of the call the case worker told Dan that our food stamps should already be on the card. Before I went to the store that morning I called to check the balance and it was a disappointing $0.00! I called and spoke to someone at the call center who told me that our funds should be in sometime over the weekend. I checked the balance every two hours all weekend but it's Monday morning now and still NO FUNDS! Poor Dan was hungry in the middle of the night last night and found our last crusty tortilla, all we had to top it with was old pepperoni and salad croutons, gross!! I just got off the phone with the call center again and they told me that our case worker has until Aug 15th to process our file and deposit our funds. I got off the phone and just cried as I fed Sophie our last breakfast bar, feeling hungry myself but not willing to brave the expired oatmeal in the cupboard. I'm sure my pregnancy hormones are partially to blame for all of these overwhelming feelings I am feeling right now. But don't you think that since I turned everything in on time (early in fact) and we've done everything they asked and we clearly qualify; that they wouldn't leave is without food for 2 weeks!?!?! I just think that the system is flawed and they shouldn't treat people this way. When I called to ask about why the funds weren't available on Friday (after Dan had been told they were) the lady I talked to was so unprofessional and threatened to hold the funds as long as they could because I was complaining! Arrrrggghh!!! I could tell you several stories about times where I did everything they asked (which is not an easy task, it takes hours and hours to pull together all the paperwork they want every couple months, plus 2 or 3 hours in line at the county office to turn it in) and they lost everything or messed it up and we had to suffer for their carelessness... but I'll spare you, this post is already way too long.
I guess it takes a trial to make you stop and think about these sort of things. Am I doing the right thing by staying home? How do some of you handle leaving your kids while you go to work? Dan told me that if I wanted to go to work he would just stay home with the kids rather than leave them with someone else because he feels so strongly about it. Personally, I feel that these financial assistance programs are made for people like us who are getting through school so we can better contribute to society. Rather than those who rely on the programs indefinitely. Just two more years and we will never have to do this again (hopefully).
Many of you aware of the fact that we use government assistance to provide us with health care and food assistance (Medicaid and food stamps). First of all, I must say that it is a humbling experience. I am generally a pretty prideful person and if you told me I would be participating in these programs 5 years ago I wouldn't have believed you and probably would have been offended. I've always been blessed with a roof over my head and plenty of food to eat, which is credit to my parents as well as the great jobs I have had. Let's just say that I haven't had things given to me but I have been able to work hard so I could buy everything I wanted, within reason that is. I really enjoy working and earning money to buy things for myself and those I love. There was a time in college that I lost my job and had very little money to my name, I had people offer to buy me food but I refused their help, I was too prideful. I would rather get by on next to nothing (thank goodness for dinner dates, or I don't think I would have made it) until I found another job. I could have asked my parents for help, but I didn't... again the pride thing. Well, I find myself in a position now that it is bigger than myself, I have one baby and another on the way; my husband can't work because he's a full-time law student. I have changed my opinion of those who need to ask for help as I have become one of them. And as I already said, we get help on a monthly basis now.
It really makes me think. Is this because I have been rash in the past? Should we have waited to start our family? I don't think so, I truly believe that it was the right thing for us to have Sophie when we did. I also, believe that it is right for us to be having another baby in December. The other BIG question is whether it's right for me to stay home and be a mom instead of go to work and provide for our family while Dan's in school. I have an open ended job offer from my previous employer who now has an office in Denver. I'm sure that I could make plenty of money to provide for our family if I worked full-time. I just don't want to miss this wonderful time in Sophie's life and our next baby soon too. Is this a luxury I really can't afford and should give up? I do have a great job right now where I can work from home, it's just hard to put in a whole lot of hours, I only work 10 hours a week so I don't make enough to make a difference in our situation.
The reason all of this is running through my mind is because I find myself today with an empty fridge, freezer, and pantry. Here's how it happened: on Dan's birthday we indulged and bought a more expensive meal to celebrate knowing that we would just have to live off of tuna fish and ramen noodles until Aug 1st when we got our food stamps again. It was harder than we thought it would be but I was creative and we made it! Thursday night I put together my grocery list so I was ready to go shopping first thing the next day with our new funds. I must admit that I haven't ever been so excited to have a real meal again! Friday morning Dan had a phone interview with our case worker at the county as the final step in our redetermination process (they check our income and assets every few months to make sure we still qualify for assistance). At the end of the call the case worker told Dan that our food stamps should already be on the card. Before I went to the store that morning I called to check the balance and it was a disappointing $0.00! I called and spoke to someone at the call center who told me that our funds should be in sometime over the weekend. I checked the balance every two hours all weekend but it's Monday morning now and still NO FUNDS! Poor Dan was hungry in the middle of the night last night and found our last crusty tortilla, all we had to top it with was old pepperoni and salad croutons, gross!! I just got off the phone with the call center again and they told me that our case worker has until Aug 15th to process our file and deposit our funds. I got off the phone and just cried as I fed Sophie our last breakfast bar, feeling hungry myself but not willing to brave the expired oatmeal in the cupboard. I'm sure my pregnancy hormones are partially to blame for all of these overwhelming feelings I am feeling right now. But don't you think that since I turned everything in on time (early in fact) and we've done everything they asked and we clearly qualify; that they wouldn't leave is without food for 2 weeks!?!?! I just think that the system is flawed and they shouldn't treat people this way. When I called to ask about why the funds weren't available on Friday (after Dan had been told they were) the lady I talked to was so unprofessional and threatened to hold the funds as long as they could because I was complaining! Arrrrggghh!!! I could tell you several stories about times where I did everything they asked (which is not an easy task, it takes hours and hours to pull together all the paperwork they want every couple months, plus 2 or 3 hours in line at the county office to turn it in) and they lost everything or messed it up and we had to suffer for their carelessness... but I'll spare you, this post is already way too long. I guess it takes a trial to make you stop and think about these sort of things. Am I doing the right thing by staying home? How do some of you handle leaving your kids while you go to work? Dan told me that if I wanted to go to work he would just stay home with the kids rather than leave them with someone else because he feels so strongly about it. Personally, I feel that these financial assistance programs are made for people like us who are getting through school so we can better contribute to society. Rather than those who rely on the programs indefinitely. Just two more years and we will never have to do this again (hopefully).The good news is that we're going home to see our families on Thursday for just over a week!! I can't hardly wait.
6 comments:
Oh Jessica...I'm SO sorry. :( I really do know how it is to be SO poor. I don't have kids, but we couldn't get food stamps because we DON'T have kids, and Nathanael didn't qualify because he's a student, and I am just having the HARDEST time finding a job here! I also think the system is flawed, but I sure hope everything works out and you'll get your money soon! I do think you're making the right decision to stay home with your kids...things will work out. They always seem to. I'm glad you get to go see your families this week! Seeing my family always gives me encouragement and makes me feel better. GOOD LUCK!
Oh, Jessica. You're post nearly made me cry. I wish you didn't have to go through this and still be able to be home with Sophie and not worry. Hopefully the money will come soon. We'll be praying for you. And have so much fun with the family!!
That is awful! I remember so many times we were frustrated with those government programs that lose information, no one seems to know what is going on, and people who didn't seem to care. I know there are a lot of people to manage, and I'm sure it's somewhat of a stressful job, but it does all seem a little unorganized sometimes.
As for working, I know that I'm glad I stayed at home with my kids, even though I know we could have lived much better if I had worked. But if you really love to work, I'm sure you could work something out. Some people are really good at it (Jill), but I always felt like a bad mom when I worked. Good luck with everything...just think, in a couple years you will never have to deal with all of that again!
Jess, I wish you were here right now! All I can say is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You really do need to eat and take care of yourself though! I wish there was time to get food to you. Remember that this will all pass and now you will appreciate what you have more later. Maybe this is preparation for Dan to work with poor people as a lawyer.
Oh, ya..I could go on and on about food stamps and Medicaid. What an absolute pain in the butt! I just tried to see the work and hassle as a sort of payment for the free food and health care. The workers are not nice because they have to deal with lazy individuals that have no intention of supporting themselves in the future. Don't feel bad that you are having babies and staying home instead of working and waiting for the "perfect time". Is there ever a perfect time" to have kids? At least when the baby is born you will be getting more food stamp money. :) Hang in there.
We used those programs while Brandon was in school and as wonderful as they are the people at the office are awful. I am not sure why you think they would be happy to help and work with people who are trying to better there lives and are only using their services for a short while but it doesn't seem to help much infact I think it hurt us sometimes, but trust me when I say staying home is a hundred percent worth it. It works out in the end. Good luck!
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